In the middle of nowhere

Its like sleeping under a mountain and bearing  its entire weight … a whole emotional rollercoaster ride , when everything seems perfect n fine one moment and the very next its all distorted n vague (mind it I am not under the influence of alcohol)… gosh I never thought simple things could get so complicated … all i want to do is just go away … traveling for miles and look at all the things enroute … try a whole lot of new things break all patterns and live on the edge just for the day … I am so tired of this whole act of sanity … there are so many things I need to do at this very moment … and quite a few places I should be … but I ain’t doing most of it … just dragging on , managing the basics and forcing the life must go on theory … too irritated and bugged with myself for procrastinating matters for so long … I hate that I get into this self pity thought that I definitely do not deserve this treatment and at the same time wonder if I am really worthy of better or that’s just an illusion … and I got what  i deserved … or is it just that some thing I cannot see but feel so strongly that it just refuses to leave me and i keep going on that path … well I think i will know all this … but it will take its time till I reach the horizon and then be able to look back at it all … don’t know how long will it take … but I know I have to walk towards the light which will sure be there at the end of the tunnel .

New perspectives

In search for answers to the conflicts in my mind … set out on a little philosophical drive . These are a compilation of notes based on  a few things I am learning through books and chats with people … must say  its really really difficult to get them all into practice …but I am sure its going to make a little difference atleast.

There are so many actions that we perform without knowing its necessity … its because we just pick up things from the stereotype module of society without asking questions … I have learnt that its very important to ask a lot of questions to ourselves like why am I doing this?? Only then will I understand the pursuits and the motives of my mind. This inquiry will help me to actually fulfill the subconscious needs, know my true self and develop the capacity to think independently.

The next is results … it is such a driving force for all our actions but unfortunately it causes stress, disheartening and an absolute loss in the happiness of the action when the results are not close to our expectation .When you do anything without knowing what you will get in return you tend to be more of yourself and hence do it best … the bonus here is one never has to live up to a façade created by own self.

I, me, and myself … its so much about that that causes all the anxiety … We take ourselves as the centre and imagine the whole world revolving around us, only the realisation, the acceptance that we are a part of this whole big entity called universe and just playing a small evolving role in the larger scheme of things will help the movement towards inner peace.  For this  it’s  important to be very sensitive and considerate to everything in our immediate surrounding. If only we could be constantly aware and attentive to all our thought processes and actions will we be able to go beyond ourselves into the total new dimension i.e. of the universe.

For now cheers to learning everyday with constant analysis and development of mind in this experiment called life

hello 2009

They say New Year new beginnings …  it’s so true and luckily for me it already started in December …  after almost two and a half years I took a vacation … and it has worked wonders. Relaxing, rejuvenating and above all a fantastic experience. It’s impossible to summarize the learnings/new experiences and remind me of the few basic mantras of my life in one post so some pointers for now …

 

Learning

Mornings are beautiful … and sunrise has its own serenity and significance (that doest mean I have changed my loyalties towards sunsets … that’s still number uno) … i have started getting up early and will maintain it.

Sound of silence is best heard when you are at peace and in nature alone or with true friends and its good if we nurture it rather than letting it subside for the next vacation … i mean once back to our routine lives busy and occupied with necessary and unnecessary chores, we should not be afraid to get the retrospected change we desire.

Life is big adventure … live it that way and you are always happy and healthy (karam kar phal ki chinta mat kar)

Its best if your work, hobby and true calling in life can all merge together (its gonna be a long way to achieve this)

 

Mantras

View of the sea, waves and the sky … the expanse that you see … I just wish I could fly or walk and just keep moving to the far horizon.

When I am lucky to have the luxury of a small week end home … I must visit it more often … and someday never return back

When you have great friends … don’t worry just go for a bashing and … they get you out through anything … thanx to all of you.

 

And not to forget … Pitching a tent for new year and having a small make your own way trek … wow if that the beginning of 2009 I am all in for the adventure throughout the year.

 

Fun times

 

 

Kay left back for US last week and I was just wondering when will I see her again cause this time she says I will not be back for at least two years … but then there is an open ended invitation to go and visit her

   

 Coming to her trip … it was really a good time together for our gang … I don’t remember all of us meeting almost every alternate day for a long time … not that we did too many activities … we would just sit up talk or even do nothing … and ya alps and kay just did not spare me with their ritual going shopping and spending the longest time in the accessories section …. I so hate it (I really missed babsi then)

 

The lunch and visit to see Ishaan wow … we did not spare the little three month old will all our non stop yakking … and the over night stay was filled with fun, cards, gossip and a cutely different experience seeing one of our friends in her all for love state … oh yaar   I have really become old, from the one who wouldn’t sleep entire night earlier

 to first one to doze off . Missed sathvi on that night.

 

The evening at WSF was the best where as usual we sit hrs facing the sea loosing track of time and whats going on in the world behind us.

Kay all of us would agree that its special when you see to it that no matter what … we take out time for you and for all of us together .

 

Now its time for the visit of the next special member … guys bi is gonna take a vacation soon … and then a trip to kay with a stopover at bi.

Goodbye….

 

 

I don’t know how most people react to this word … but I for sure would love being able to never use this word … because often it’s a very cruel word.

 

It’s so funny that the word GOOD is attached to bye … bye is plain bye … there is nothing else attached to it.

Isn’t saying see you soon much better than saying good bye to all loved ones … one because you are always more than happy to meet them again …

 second people dear to you never go away they are always there just physically absent. I mean I find saying I’ll make sure we will keep in touch much easier than saying goodbye.

Goodbyes so suggest ends, maybe for new beginnings …but strangely all I remember is the part between the two … because that’s where lies life.

 

I wondered … is Let go synonymous to goodbye … but I soon realized no …

let go is just making space for better things and even for luck to accommodate the circle coming back.

So when I say let go … I say see you again … just in some other form … within moments or lifetime.

 

 A lot of serenity is attached to silence … so for now let’s just say

 “True goodbyes are the ones never said”

 

 

Random thoughts … Ramblings

I was always scared of being alone, being deserted by all near and dear ones, not be loved pampered and cared for (thankfully it never happened and I am still surrounded by lovely people) … but wow what a transition … this new feeling where there is no fear of loss … its absolute bliss in itself … the feeling of oneness with everything around yet a unique detachment … and this I think is the biggest gift of having faith … there is no big healer for fear than faith.

 

If someone ever asked me what do you want I would have lists ready, different lists for different people … today I realize it’s important to know that there is nothing like wanting … one eventually receives everything that you need, whenever the time is right.

I never believed in destiny … I always thought efforts could attain all that one desires, you could reach wherever you wanted to … I can change my destiny, it’s in my hands …but now I know it’s a combination of efforts, luck and the designed destiny … A strong believer in destiny today I agree “you will always end up where you need to be and not want to be “

 

The tree, flowers, birds, rivers, mountains everything the nature has bestowed us with can be seen, but its beauty can only be felt when you can be a part of them and not just an admirer from outside … similarly its with life, all beautiful experiences need to be lived to truly feel them … its like living in this world but yet in your own dream.

Then why should any fear deter me from living a dream.

 

Jo dikhta hai woh hota nahin aur jo hai woh kahin nahin jayega

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Charm of the rainy season

Rains , i just love them ….. the mystic smell of soil after the first showers, the fresh green of leaves, the cool and clean feeling in the air , the breeze that we enjoy thanks to the proximity to the sea …. just fantastic.

I love drenching myself everyday on my way back home, moving without umbrella even for work and then standing in small shelters when it pours. Walk along  the sea face  to enjoy the rains and the splashes from the sea , all the more better in the company of my friends. Eating corn , pakoda and sipping cutting chai on every possible rainy evening is a delight.

 I love to go on long vacation to some place like panchgani with all my cousins and family and walk in the fog ….where you cannot see a few meters away and then suddenly the whole valley is open to you. The mist gives such an mazing aura to all the things around you.  A week- end chilling with friends in lonavala , karnala , konkan or any such place …… what more can one ask for. It goes without saying that all these trips are incomplete without enjoying walks in the nature , relishing ice-creams when you are drenched and shivering with cold , slipping and falling in the moss atleast once doing mischief  and try playing some outdoor sport in the rains …. the kinds small kids play.

And ya the season for me is incomplete without the wait for one bright sunny day between the spell of the rainy rainy days. The season has come and i want to do all these things this year too :)

 

 

 

The cartoon strip

Tom and jerry one of the favorite cartoons I love watching till date and can spend hours over it much to the irritation of many … and u know what’s the best part of the series … its the constant fight, the trap, the escape, the way they seek each others attention when there is even a temporary moment of peace … the deliberation to get something going on … its just so amazing and cute … most people say it would be enemy …… i think its actually an undefined relation.

The love hate thing (not the literal comparison … but the pattern ) that I look forward to in life … its impossible to have an always very sweet and rosy thing … how boring and monotonous it gets if there are no disagreements and arguments  … I love to fight and make up over little unimportant things … demand attention from family and friends … make a fuss when they ignore me …  that’s what adds all the spark to life … actually I like being a kid and behave like one (this is purely others opinion)  

The most important words or should I say rule would be … love me, hate me …but indifference can just not be tolerated.

But ya…. if there is any external interference causing any harm or damage they become one and drive away any outsider … like we fight all the ups and downs and the calamities of life together and once it’s all fine … back to my cartoon strip … the TOM and JERRY show.

 

Truth

One is always in search of truth….and the more I try to seek it the more it runs away. And to find the truth it’s so important to know what you are seeking, but unfortunately for me the seeking keeps changing and the ignorance keeps increasing.

If that’s not enough… there is always a doubt… is there any final abode for any form of truth? (what I thought was true yesterday changes today and I am so sure it will be different tomorrow)…plus there is my truth, someone else’s truth and no truth at all…just a pretence to accept something as truth.

 And then there are assumptions made on the basis of past and present actions and experiences…and one starts seeing truth based on that light…but is there any formula to experiences? And if there is I am unfortunate to have not found or understood it.

People tell me truth comes through belief…so is the intensity of belief truth…not for me at least… I think intensity of belief leads to just a big dream and a bigger illusion.Believing something as truth also comes as an easy way of eliminating fear…the fear of all that is known and the unknown. 

 

All I can say is search for truth is like search for God … and I haven’t found either.

 

(This is  just a gist … my analysis of things i read and its application to the events of my life)

Education??????

I was never happy with the education system and the curriculum i passed to get my degree…but somewhere what exactly was missing was learnt very late ,but thankfully i did learn it. Three years back i took up a course where i met like minded people and besides a lot of other things i learnt the discussions,debates and arguments helped me figure out what i was missing in my education.

Our system has the same education for everyone………the ones living in cities ,deserts of kutch and rajasthan,mountains of Himalayas,the plateaus of central India ,near and around forests and hills of north and south regions ,in the plains of rivers and the ones by the sea…….We call it development when we have schools in the most remote places of India and we try to achieve 100% literacy,i agree it is important to move ahead with the world and a tribal cannot keep living like a tribal for ages, but it is equally important that all of us learn the history,geography and the difference in the way/need of existence based on our geographical and environmental surroundings.

There sure are many different professions but all of them are for a certain set standard……i know they cannot be tailor made differently  in this so called age of globalisation……. but something is going wrong somewhere……..there needs to be some division in every branch where in a certain things can be modified based on the social,  economical, political and geographical need of different countries.

Its possible that all this just doesn’t make sense to many ….and its a very immature way of putting things on this issue…. i am not half aware of the global systems and realities …. this is a platform to gain knowledge, opinions ,views of different people about this one question…..

Do all of us need to learn and educate ourselves  for an identical lifestyle pattern that comes with stereotype education??????????